What Do You Want?

Give it to yourself

Hi, and welcome. I record my own voiceovers. The link to listen is at the top of the page. It gives you my voice delivering the words I write. At the end, I always play a snippet of a song that spoke to me while writing the piece. The song is linked at the end of every post.

xo - Jeannie Lynn

Seeing Upside Down has reached 100 subscribers! To those of you who recently subscribed: Welcome to this space, and I am so happy you are here. When I started my weekly Sunday posts back in October, I had no idea I would connect with such generous, kind, loving, hilarious, intelligent, talented, beautiful people… writers… artists… souls. And to my family and friends who have lived life with me outside of Substack, whether you’re near or far, thank you for reading and being open to a new way of connecting with me.

We’re talking about looking through a hole in that memory and seeing the truth about myself.

If I can see the truth about myself and love her and trust her, then I can do anything.

A Memory Transformed

The quote above is from the linked post I wrote on May 7th called A Memory Transformed. In it, I wrote about a memory that repeatedly entered my consciousness for a period of time and what happened when I faced it and listened to it… really listened to it.

Earlier in the same week of that post, I had accepted the calendar invite from the two co-owners of my home yoga studio to audition to be a teacher there. My tryout was scheduled for May 31st.

You could say I had no idea what was coming, and that would be correct.

You could say I knew exactly what was coming, and that would also be correct.

The transformed memory prepared me to “keep dancing” and stay present in my audition, even if something didn’t go as planned, which inevitably always happens.

The owners of the studio are two sisters. In some ways, they remind me of my sister and me. After leading them through a 30-minute yoga sequence, they sat before me like mirrors. They suggested I evaluate myself before they offered any feedback. I said something about my teaching still being like a stock photo vs a candid photo (? lol), and then I didn’t get too specific about cues and building blocks of teaching, such as saying the name of the pose first. They let me ramble on for a few moments before kindly guiding me back to the basics. As they offered practical, constructive criticism, I felt myself preparing to leave the building without an offer of some sort.

I stayed present. I listened. Then they asked me a question.

“So, what do you want from here, Jeannie?”

Although I still felt like a caterpillar, I answered as the butterfly.

To my surprise, I did not hesitate to share what I wanted.

“Well, I actually have a very specific thought.” I heard myself say to them.

I continued on to share with them my idea to pick up the 7:15pm community power flow class on Thursday nights. I knew my friend who taught it would be moving soon. As I was saying it, I started the “buts.”

“But I know there are a lot of moving pieces… I know you have a lot of other teachers… maybe someone else planned to take that class… blah blah blah."

They looked at each other and back at me, and something about their face expressions prompted me to stop the “buts.”

They took it from there, and there was nothing else for me to say or do except let my dream come true right in front of me... just like I prepared for. They shifted and started talking about onboarding and shadowing the teacher until her last class. I started buzzing inside and made a conscious effort to stay present and not float away out the second story window.

On my way out of the studio, one of the sisters said: “Way to ask for what you want, Jeannie. We need more of that!”

A waterfall I found last week in Short Springs State Natural Area, TN

I have never been so grateful to know what I wanted, so much so that I could communicate it with confidence, even without the guarantee that it could be given to me.

It was not only that it was given to me from someone else or through outward circumstances. I gave it to myself first. I gave myself the possibility. I gave myself the chance. I started making conscious choices, all the way back in 2018, which developed my capacity to ask and receive when the opportunities presented themselves.

I stopped drinking in 2018 because it was killing me.

I got back up again after relapses in 2019 and 2020.

With the help of mentors in a recovery program, I took personal inventory, made amends, shared in community, and kept getting more and more honest with myself and others.

In April 2021, I started my first regular yoga practice at my home studio in Nashville. I let my practice evolve for a year and a half before signing up for teacher training. I couldn’t get enough and knew it would be a part of me for the rest of my life.

In July 2022, I made a vision board. That was a powerful catalyst to bring my newfound dreams into the physical world around me (in case you ever wondered why vision boards are effective). In September 2022, I signed up for yoga teacher training through my studio. By October, I posted my first piece on Substack. Writing each week has helped me consciously connect with my present experience. In December, I met Duke, who you could call the Gandalf of my Lord of the Rings journey. By April 2, 2023, I received my 200-hour registered yoga teacher certification.

Now I’ve been onboarded, and I’m getting set up to teach my first class at the studio very soon.

To the outside eye, especially for anyone whose only known me for the last few months to a year, this may all seem like it happened fairly quickly.

To me, it’s taken 34 years to get to this point. I really didn’t start taking responsibility for my own life until 2018. I’ll never stop reiterating the choices I had to make that nobody else could make for me. By making the choices that led to an honest life and therefore freedom, the separation between me and my Higher Self became less and less. If [Higher Self] isn’t familiar language to you, replace it with what’s familiar to you- [purpose], [authentic self], [God], [the Universe], [Spirit], [the Divine], [Love], etc. As I offloaded the dense baggage I was carrying for many years, it obviously lightened the load, which allowed me to operate at a higher frequency. I gained clarity and access to my true desires. Once I identified the direction I wanted to go (something I didn’t know for a long time), I started every day with a seeking heart and a willingness to take the next available step in that direction.

The more I seek and step, the more it shows the Universe I am ready, and it meets me as far as I want to go. I keep giving, and God keeps giving.

Another Duke quote I like:

“The harder I work, the luckier I get.”

The work looks different for everyone, and for each person, the work looks different every day.

Well, I hope you’ve enjoyed my post about dreams coming true.

A dream can’t be identified until I have the eyes to see it.

Eyes covered up with things that aren’t true to me can’t see the dream that is true to me.

When I do the work of uncovering my eyes, I can see.

When I see, I can seek.

When I seek, I find.

When I find, I celebrate.

Thank you for celebrating with me this week. : )