Contrast

Give, take.

Push, pull.

Ebb, flow.

Inhale, exhale.

I admire these opposite words next to each other. They are separate, individual words. Then, when placed together, they somehow complete one another. The balanced opposition adds layers to the meaning of each word. Trace back to them for a few moments. Read them a little slower. Do any visuals come to mind?

Confession: I looked up the individual definition of ‘ebb’ because I didn’t have clarity about its meaning without pairing it with ‘flow.’

ebb- noun: the movement of the tide out to sea.

ebb- verb: 1. (of tidewater) move away from the land; recede. 2. (of an emotion or quality) gradually lessen or reduce.

(Thank you Google and Oxford Languages)

I didn’t realize the definition was so directly tied to the literal sea and its tide. Now I have imagery. I imagine the thin, suctioned stream of water being pulled away from the sand (ebb). I imagine the fullness of the bubbling water pouring out toward the sand (flow). In general, I’ve used the expression ‘ebb and flow’ more in line with the second definition above- talking about emotions, quality of things around me, my movement through life… stuff just ebbs and flows. I usually say it vaguely and casually. Now, I’m thinking about it more specifically.

If the ocean’s tide was all ebb and no flow, the water would pull, pull, pull inward… to where? What would happen? It would be like the movies when a mass of water or energy pulls into a huge funnel shooting into the sky- cool, but mostly terrifying. That ebb of the undercurrent could dry up the ocean floor if it weren’t for the release of the crashing wave that follows.

I have a theory that opposing forces like this reach their highest potential when they are in balance with their opposite counterpart. This realization has manifested for me in various ways lately. The last few days I have seen it in terms of my power, which may be the opposite of yours. All of a sudden I see that I don’t have to let you take anything from me when you realize your power. As you reach your highest potential, I don’t have to shrink back if it’s in opposition to mine. In an ideal world, we hold space for each other, and with that, balance is achieved. This inevitably leads me to zoom out and observe power struggles in the greater collective. When power is balanced, there is stillness. Stillness is a result of equilibrium. When power is imbalanced, there is turbulence. Turbulence is a result of recalibration that begins in response to something being out of whack. This helps me understand conflict objectively, without being afraid of it.

I am a harmony keeper, creator, seeker, developer, protector. Call it what you may- my strength, purpose, gift, personality type. I don’t always like boxing in myself with personality tests. Nonetheless, over the years I have taken a variety of them out of curiosity. To cite a couple, my StrengthsFinder top five are harmony, empathy, connectedness, consistency, adaptability. Another test I took was the Enneagram; that one told me I’m a type nine- “the peacemaker.” This also means that all my life I have struggled with the opposite of these descriptions- discord, conflict, interruption, disconnect, competition, misunderstanding. I am finally attempting to accept these opposite counterparts of harmony. They are a part of the reality in which we live.

I figured out ways to keep my own personal equilibrium growing up in a military family and moving from place to place. I essentially avoided conflict at all costs. I learned how to adapt and settle just enough to be comfortable in each new temporary home. I never dug down all the way into the the deeper soil anywhere. Why become all interconnected when I know I’ll have to uproot and pull it all apart? I just wanted blend in and not disrupt anything. I kept new friends at an arm’s length, knowing it wouldn’t be long until it was time to part ways. I see all this in hindsight as survival mechanisms I learned; I was not necessarily aware of it at the time. I always wondered why my brother and sister struggled so much with moving around. I see now it is because they had more courage than me. They dove into each place. They connected with their whole self. They love with all of who they are, wherever they are. They are my teachers. I think of them when I am afraid to love. They are my examples of the fullness of love.

The turbulence of my adulthood has happened because my old survival mechanisms don’t work anymore. What once helped me now hurts me. I cannot reach my fullest potential while tiptoeing around on the surface of things. I cannot serve a community while holding my people at an arm’s length. I cannot learn and teach new ways to foster harmony by denying conflict. I can only maintain homeostasis by being familiar with all interdependent elements involved, such as what we might call “light” and “dark” elements.

If the dark side of that pair is still unnerving for you to consider, I can relate. It can be tricky talking about ‘light’ and ‘dark.’ It almost feels like ‘good’ and ‘bad.’ Remember, these terms are subjective and relative. They look different for everyone. I think our dark side is composed of the power we fear in ourself. We can use it for something good or productive when we learn how to harness it. When left to its own devices, it feeds on our fear and keeps growing like a destructive weed until we face it… eye to eye, no holding back (I elaborate on that part in my post Fire Breathing).

I was talking with a dear friend yesterday about the shift in perspective we’ve had about conflict. She and I have done everything to avoid it, and therefore it’s no wonder we don’t feel that close after several years of friendship. Now we understand that it is a privilege to work through conflict with another person. We are chipping away at our fears of connecting on a deeper level. We are giving each other permission to take up more space. This looks like risking discord. Maybe it looks like bursting each other’s bubble sometimes. It could look like calling each other out. I’m sure it looks like being more vulnerable. It looks like asking for help. Maybe it won’t even be as scary as we thought. Whoa… our differences can work for us. That unlocks A LOT.

I find clarity in nature. I am connecting this push-and-pull thought process to an experience I had this week. It was a gift to have a long drive and extended stay in a scenic area over the holiday. In the car on the way to our Airbnb, Dom and I saw what I initially called “rainbow glimmers in the sky.” They seemed to be two mirrored pieces of a rainbow ring around the sun. I started typing my gibberish into the internet Search bar to find the technical term. I typed “Mirrored rainbow glimmers in the sky” and then “Rainbow pieces by the sun.” Google is so gracious to translate my primitive brain. It brought me to the term ‘sun halo,’ or ‘solar halo.’

I tapped on the suggested search and landed in a short article from CBS News Boston:

Halos around the Sun and Moon are certainly not rare. They are caused by high cirrus clouds refracting light.

Cirrus clouds are so high in the sky (typically higher than 20,000 feet), they are made up of millions upon millions of tiny ice crystals which readily refract the light from the Sun or Moon.

Solar halo viewed from Shelbyville, TN / November 23, 2022

You guys, I was beside myself. I had never seen this before. I was giddy and mesmerized. I admired the sun as the source of light in the middle. I obsessed over the delicate clouds that refract the light into colorful waves we call a rainbow. Most of all, I was captivated by the bright white spears of light shooting out from both sides of the halo. Every element belongs. They work together. The way they change each other’s properties creates something breathtakingly beautiful.

I suppose the dreamer in me wants to make the world a better place by sharing this. I can’t wish away conflict, nor should I run away from the battle when I see my place on the field. From what I can see, equilibrium will continue to be disrupted and restored for as long as we live in this universe. The ones who seek to understand their opposite counterparts, rather than destroy them, will achieve the balance and therefore the highest potential of their power. They will be the bright white light. They will shine on forever.

with love, Jeannie