Hi, and welcome. I record my own voiceovers. It gives you my voice delivering the words I write. At the end of the voiceover, I always play a snippet of a song that spoke to me recently. The song is linked at the end of every post.
xo - Jeannie Lynn
Hi Jeannie,
I am not exactly sure how this came up for me, but I am wondering what your thoughts are on how best to support (and be an ally) for people who are Transgender, while simultaneously not somehow negating or minimizing the struggles women face as a gender. Do you feel these two strains are in conflict in any way or no?
This is a difficult one, and you don't have to choose this one to answer! I just can't seem to engage anyone well on my question (perhaps b/c I am not totally sure what my question is!)
Thanks,
Susan
[Received Saturday 2/17/24, 8:51am]
Want to submit a question? > > > sudwinks@gmail.com
Dear Susan,
As I said in my email response back to you, I am deeply grateful for your question. Thank you.
You first asked what my thoughts are on how to best support and be an ally for people who are transgender.
The Golden Rule comes to mind as a seed meant to deepen, grow, and expand.
Treat others how one would want to be treated.
Let’s expand it right now.
Treat others how one would want to be treated if one was ever in their shoes.
Let’s take a moment to thoroughly consider that. If we don’t know what it’s like to be a transgender person in this world, then we remove that part of it and keep going with the exercise. It’s okay to not know something. We can still continue the effort to consider what it’s like to be in their shoes, without the label of transgender.
We can attempt to imagine what it’s like to be any person who is a minority among the majority.
Then we imagine what it’s like to be a minority who is accepted, valued, admired, supported, noticed, understood, respected, loved, cared for, remembered.
If that’s how one wants to be treated, then treat the other that way.
It’s also possible to imagine what it’s like to be a minority who is rejected, marginalized, judged, abandoned, disregarded, misunderstood, disrespected, objectified, abused, even forgotten.
If that’s how one wants to be treated, then treat the other that way. In this case, one is of no support, and one is not ally because they are neither of those things for themself.
How we interact with others is directly connected to how we interact with ourselves.
If one deprives themself of something, they likely deprive others of something.
If one is accepting of themself, they are likely accepting of others.
That’s why the Golden Rule works when we step into the other person’s shoes as best as we possibly can.
This all leads to being an ally because the position of the ally is not to actually be the other person. It is to stand in their shoes, which is to see their perspective, to thoroughly acknowledge their experience. If the view from their shoes looks like being rejected, marginalized, judged, abandoned, disregarded, misunderstood, disrespected, objectified, abused, even forgotten, then I suppose that support is going to be a heavier lift isn’t it? Thank goodness for our activists who are willing to do the heavier lift it takes to restore balance.
Oh yes, as long as anybody’s experience looks like that, it is evidence that balance has not been restored. That’s why silence doesn’t work for these groups. Talking is a better start, and also won’t be enough. There must be corrective action for there to be harmony once again. It’s that heavier lift. Action is movement, activity, disruption. It’s why I understand protests now. It’s why I understand Martin Luther King Jr. Day. It’s why I understand Pride Month. It’s why I understand feminism. These are a few out of many celebrations of restoration of balance, harmony, connection for humans who were once made to feel like they didn’t belong as they are. These protests, movements, and celebrations are also a beacon to those who both identify with the related group and remain rejected, marginalized, judged, abandoned, disregarded, misunderstood, disrespected, objectified, abused, and even forgotten. It helps them know they are not alone.
Susan, I believe all of this also clarifies why it will not negate or minimize the struggles women face as a gender when there is support for someone who is transgender. It’s like saying there shouldn’t be narcotics anonymous because we can’t forget about alcoholics anonymous. It just occurred to me that example caters to people in recovery or people who know someone in recovery from addiction. So, another example then. It’s like saying we shouldn’t have breast cancer walks because we don’t want to minimize the struggles of people with autism. There is a network for both. There is a need for support for both. That is why I don’t feel that these two groups are in conflict with each other.
Wait a second, I wrote about this.
In a past post called Contrast, I wrote:
I have a theory that opposing forces like this reach their highest potential when they are in balance with their opposite counterpart. This realization has manifested for me in various ways lately. The last few days I have seen it in terms of my power, which may be the opposite of yours. All of a sudden I see that I don’t have to let you take anything from me when you realize your power. As you reach your highest potential, I don’t have to shrink back if it’s in opposition to mine. In an ideal world, we hold space for each other, and with that, balance is achieved. This inevitably leads me to zoom out and observe power struggles in the greater collective. When power is balanced, there is stillness. Stillness is a result of equilibrium. When power is imbalanced, there is turbulence. Turbulence is a result of recalibration that begins in response to something being out of whack. This helps me understand conflict objectively, without being afraid of it.
As far as this being a difficult question to answer, it wasn’t. It wasn’t because I didn’t make it difficult. Things are as difficult as we make them. They are also as enjoyable as we make them.
I tend to enjoy things more when I love them. I tend to enjoy people more when I love them. I tend to enjoy myself more when I love myself.
The more exceptions I make for what and who I love, and the more reasons I defend for why I do or don’t, the more difficult all those things are to manage.
I like to keep it simple.
I want to be loved. So, I love.
Susan, regarding your final remarks: do you have clarity about what you were seeking? Do you feel like you have engaged someone well with it?
You don’t necessarily have to send me an answer to that; I simply wanted to acknowledge everything you wrote to me.
A better answer comes the longer the question is considered.
With love and a wink,
Jeannie Lynn
This is beautiful!!!