The Apple Tree

I am many apples.

Happy Father’s Day to my rooted, wise, witty, strong, loving apple tree.

My Dad and I went through a very dedicated season of sending each other our Wordle and Quordle scores every day. He is more competitive than me. I try to play along with some smack talk to keep it interesting for him. I think he tries to meet me halfway and give a nice compliment when I do well. A couple times when he did compliment me, I attempted to let it be a compliment back to himself, so I referenced the apple not falling far from the tree. I’m not sure how much he (or anyone else for that matter) likes that reference. I think there is the potential for someone to not take responsibility for who they are or the decisions they make by saying “the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree.”

Nonetheless, the timing of when I made the reference was very intentional. I have always tried to express to my parents the good things I have learned from them and the positive ways they have influenced my life. Every new generation will take many things from the prior one that are extremely beneficial for the continuing journey. The other side of evolution is shedding things that no longer serve, just like a gardener prunes their garden. That’s not to say the things I’m not taking with me didn’t serve a very valuable purpose. I am grateful for it all.

I am grateful for my apple tree because he let me grow into many apples. I am many apples who fell into many places on her own time. The branches didn’t hold me hostage. The branches held me until I was ready to let go. When I was ready to let go, they ultimately allowed it, whether they agreed or not. Sometimes the apple and the branch both hurt because the uncontrollable storms of life pulled them apart before either of us felt ready.

My apple tree never stops giving. He never stops growing, and that means I have never stopped growing.

No matter what relationship a person is in, I believe the greatest form of love is acceptance. When we can accept everything about the person in front of us, exactly as they are in that moment, it is then we can love them. Don’t get me wrong, this gets REALLY HARD. I was not always able to do this, especially with family members. I have often had the highest expectations with the people I am closest to. As I’ve gotten older, the only healthy way I can continue in those relationships is by letting go of any expectations I had of them. By taking this step, it clears my vision to see who they really are, for “better” or for “worse.”

I think of the popular Maya Angelou quote:

When someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time.

I love that because it keeps the responsibility of self in the hands of that same person. No other person can define another person. Each person embodies themself and no one else. Even if a person is trying to be like someone else, it still says something about them. If a person makes destructive decisions, it’s natural to want to “fix” their way of thinking, try to make it stop, or tell them what they should do instead. But how far do any of us really get with someone that way if we don’t listen to them first?

My dad, in one way or another, always got around to asking me what was going on inside. Now that was an inquiry I couldn’t hide from because I couldn’t hide from myself. Of course there were times when he was upset and raised his voice and implemented certain levels of discipline. But as I got older, the allowing increased. Allowing me to make my decisions and discover the positive or negative consequences of those decisions. Again, I think this can apply to any relationship. At a certain point, the best way we can love each other is to let go of the closeness… the grip… the influence we once had, and allow the other to have their own path. By doing so, we give them the chance to become their own tree.

All of the apples my apple tree allowed me to be have turned into a giant bucket of apples that God gets to pick up and make something with.

It’s natural to develop an ideal in our minds for how our loved ones will turn out in the future. It’s when we become attached to that ideal that it becomes a detriment. Before we know it, it becomes an expectation. Then we let that go on too long, and it becomes a requirement. When the other person doesn’t meet that requirement, which they never agreed to in the first place, then we develop resentment. Again, it’s common and natural for this to happen because we are human beings all just trying to do our best and see our loved ones be the best that they can be too.

Assuming Dad reads this today, I am going to give away his Father’s Day surprise.

In honor of the countless ways I have kept my apple tree on his toes all these years, I have sent him a box of peaches from The Peach Truck in Nashville.

I can have fun with this because I can’t ultimately keep a well-rooted tree on their toes. His roots have only grown stronger and deeper through all the unexpected storms and directions his apples ended up going.

That is acceptance.

That is strength.

That is a love that never stops growing.

Sail on silver girl
Sail on by
Your time has come to shine
All your dreams are on their way
See how they shine
Oh, if you need a friend
I'm sailing right behind

Like a bridge over troubled water
I will ease your mind
Like a bridge over troubled water
I will ease your mind

Photo by Veronika Diegel on Unsplash