At first, I started typing this piece for the About section of this publication Seeing Upside Down. It didn’t take long to realize it is meant to be its own newsletter. I imagine you would like to become acquainted with me as the writer, if you are not already, or if it has been a while since we connected. The feeling is mutual. Over time, I hope to learn more about my readers too.
This first newsletter will be unique, meaning it is autobiographical in nature. Future newsletters will not necessarily be written that way. Nonetheless, my objective remains the same. For details in my story that may differ from yours, I aim to write about them in a way that holds space for you. Anything that is possible for me is possible for you. For those of you that read See with me, you know I talked about having “magical superpowers.” Spoiler alert: we all have them. I write to illuminate elements I’ve discovered about the human experience, which may otherwise go unnoticed. I suppose I’ve discovered my magic, and the first thing I want to do with it is help others discover their own magic.
I’m Jeannie [ pronounced like genie ]
Thank you for the name you gave me, Mom and Dad. I really love it.
Speaking of Mom and Dad, I can also thank them for so many adventures in my lifetime so far. My mom is iridescent beauty. She has one of the most gentle, caring spirits you will ever meet. My dad is wise, distinguished, and loves deeply. Neither of them are afraid to let their silly, goofy side out. My parents, my siblings and I love to laugh. Over the years, we have been through a lot, but it’s important for us to not take ourselves so seriously all the time. When my older brother was born, they were stationed in Utah on my dad’s first assignment with the U.S. Air Force. My brother is a warrior king with a heart to protect and nurture. He can create anything and survive anywhere. My dad was given a new assignment in England before I was born in 1989. A couple of hours outside of London, in the little town of Bury St. Edmunds, I made my grand arrival to planet Earth.
Still in England and 20 months later, my perfect little sister was born. Thank God for my sister. She is the awaited lighthouse glowing from the shore. Much of our world would be in the dark without her.
I wouldn’t trade my traveling childhood with these four souls for anything. I am me because of them.
After a dozen more moves between the U.S. and Europe, my dad retired from the military in 2004. I graduated high school in 2007. I finished my undergraduate education in 2011. I earned a Bachelor of Arts degree in Languages, Literatures, and Cultures from Colorado State University.
Can I confess something? I know I’m not the only one. To this day, my favorite takeaway from college was not the degree itself. The real, lasting treasures I found in college were the experiences (yes, learning was one) and relationships. To this day, I carry on a sisterhood with my three college roommates. When we lived together, we started calling ourselves M20. That was the unit number of the condo where we lived together for three years.
Post graduation I was not necessarily ready to activate a specific career. Quite the contrary, I wanted to keep wandering, keep exploring, fall in love, try things, fail at things. I needed time to ride my figurative bike around without the training wheels of the school structure. People told me how I should ride and when. They told me what to wear and not to ride so recklessly. What they were saying made sense. But to understand something intellectually is not the same as feeling it in the way we live. I wanted to live and learn. I got hurt sometimes. Thank goodness for that. I can’t evolve without pain.
I made a new friend. He didn’t seem to mind the way I flailed around on my figurative bike without training wheels. We got along naturally. Two friends became best friends. That friendship became a love that I could not separate from, even if I tried. I did try. He tried too. It’s quite comical to remember how we tried flicking each other away, as if each was a pesky bug to the other. Neither of us expected the bond. It was a magnetic field, slowly closing in. We, the opposite magnets (very opposite), eventually let go of the resistance and allowed the connection to lock. After receiving my dad’s blessing, Dominick asked me to marry him. I said yes. Over the course of ten years (three dating, seven married), the magnetic connection has been swiftly and thoroughly tested, ultimately proving to be resolute.
We do not have kids yet. We have two cats. One of them is eight years old, named Tana ([taw-nuh] short for Capitana), and the other is six months old, named Athena. True to her name, Tana is in charge and runs the ship around here. Athena, also true to her name, is fierce and wild, with a loving nature that pierces your heart. We all don’t speak the same language, but somehow get along great in this house. Cats get a bad wrap from people who don’t understand their instincts and what it looks like to be kind to a cat soul.
We have lived in Nashville, Tennessee for five years now. We moved here from Colorado with Dom’s brother and his wife, and two other friends who we consider family- a married couple as well. In 2017, the six of us made the decision to move to Nashville together, primarily for the guys’ music careers. The timing was aligned for us individual ladies as well because we had also outgrown our garden plots in Colorado. We collectively agreed it was time to propagate in new soil somewhere. We lived in a house together for the first 10 months after landing in Tennessee, to have each other close after moving across the country. Similarly to my family of origin, I am who I am today because of these five souls. They have seen me at my worst and shown me unconditional Love in a way I have never experienced it before.
I’ve had many jobs, but that’s a boring conversation. I most recently landed in research administration for the humanities and social sciences at a university. When I said the degree wasn’t my favorite takeaway from college, that was, by no means, meant to devalue it. My degree has provided professional opportunity for me, and I am deeply grateful for that. Today I have the privilege of working on a beautiful campus with a diverse group of faculty, students, and staff.
Any form of success or mountaintop moment I have only exists after traversing the valley that comes before it. Like many, I am indefinitely in recovery from substance abuse disorder. I like to think of it as being a condition I have that is in remission. My struggle with addiction and what I learned during the dark years will be intertwined, whether directly or indirectly, in what I write. It is all a part of me- everything bad, everything good, light, and dark. Recovery is only possible because of community. People loved me until I could love myself. They told me to keep coming back, so I did. You all know who you are. Thank you.
In January I let a word pick me for 2022. The word that chose me is C L A I M. This next part won’t happen often (or maybe it will), so enjoy. Here are a few pieces from my journal entry on Sunday January 23, 2022.
“I also haven’t taken the time to write about the word I believe is mine this year - for 2022: C L A I M. It came up around the end of December and has simply stuck… As always, I’m still not totally clear how this will manifest… if I am to claim what it is my soul desires, claim, express, believe that it is for me, that it will not miss me. Claim it. Believe it… Full expression of my creativity! Full expression of my yoga practice! Blossoming relationships! Soul desires coming to fruition… Claim these things regularly. Begin building the foundation.”
I am in awe of the cosmic ribbon that has tied together the moments in time between writing that journal entry in January and sitting here now. What a wild and beautiful continuum.
I have always considered myself a writer, but I have not always been able to say so. I felt it on the inside. Unfortunately, I treated the word writer like credentials for which I was not qualified, as opposed to treating it with respect for what it is: a gift.
To nurture my gift is to share my gift. I am stepping into the fullest expression of my writing. This will evolve. I am sharing it with you in a leap of faith that it will grow into something transformative for all of us. I have gotten too caught up over the years trying to figure out what the “correct” or “coolest” expression is. I looked to everyone else to find out who I was and what my gifts were. I got lost for a while. I would not change a single moment. It all brought me right here. Who I am is found within.
You are starting to hear her voice. Yogi Jeannie will come out sometimes. She’ll talk about connections between body, spirit, mind, heart, space, and anything invisible. But think of Yogi Jeannie like a young Padawan. I don’t start my Jedi Yoga Teacher training until this coming January 2023. Yoga is another personal practice I have, which feels like it is bursting at the seams with goodness. The only way I can imagine regulating the energy I have for it is to share the practice with others. I’m sure you will read lots of stories related to that upcoming leg of my journey.
I consider myself spiritual but not religious.
I see many common threads and similarities across many religions and philosophies. The more it turns into mankind’s rules and guidelines, the less interested I become. Clichés exist because they are true. You can’t put God in a box. If someone attends church to find God or maintain their relationship with God, that is a wondering thing. Growing up, that is how I first found God.
When I got older, I was hurt by people who pushed the agenda of the box instead of shepherding the quest for truth. Unfortunately, this is a common story these days. Again, if being a part of a church community feeds someone spiritually, that is a wonderful thing. All I hope is that people remember this: the container for their relationship with God, the Universe, the Divine etc. is not the only way there is. There are so many fascinating containers and communities around the globe. Everyone everywhere is on their own quest. A necessary element of the human journey is that our ways are not the same. That is where Love comes in. Love transcends it all.
The last part of this tangent I’ll say is that I love how many beautiful rituals we humans have to celebrate our divine connection with God, the universe, and each other. Some people chant and dance around a big fire outside. Some people lay with their forehead to the ground in silence. Some people play rock music and raise their hands in the air. Some people have Bible studies. Some people do headstands in front of the ocean to honor God’s creation. The list of possibilities to pray, meditate, and worship are endless. They only lose their heavenly power if mankind starts forcing their particular way onto others. The door should be open and the love should be thick. The questions should be flowing and no one person should have all the answers. We are all trying to figure it out. That is why we gather in all these various forms.
My cup of coffee became a cup of nothing ten minutes ago, so I’m finished with this post now.
I hate all goodbyes. If I had it my way, I would never participate in any degree of goodbye. I always see if there is a way I can flutter out of an ending, the same way a little fairy disappears in a puff of her own dust. Maybe it is my way of preserving the continuum.
with love, Jeannie
Wait - are you saying fairies are real?