It didn’t even register with me until now that this post would go out on the last day of 2023. Suddenly, this is quite special, and I am so grateful to you who have continued to read and respond this year. It was my first full year writing on Substack, after starting in October of 2022. It has felt like a series of chambers within me getting unlocked the more that I write. I can’t tell you how special your presence is here, whether or not you’ve replied over email or commented before. Those who have subscribed have been little lights reminding me that something is coming through all this. There is connection happening, even if the signal is still a little weak sometimes. We’re making contact, and each week I play with different ways to strengthen the signal.
I’ve really be wrestling with the concept of “picking a lane” with this Substack. It’s not that it’s necessarily wrong to keep things general without much of map for where I’m going week to week (hope you enjoyed the spontaneous Friday Verses). Yet I can’t shake the feeling that giving this more of a focus would create a more saturated, rich experience. I think of something I’ve learned in cooking. I have tried a lot of new recipes- good. I have also gone back and cooked our favorite ones over and over again- also good. The recipes I repeat get better and better each time because of the time spent with them, the subtle ways I adjust them, and the focus I can give them after layers of more familiarity with it. Or, can you think of any movies you could watch over and over again?- that movie that’s better every time you watch it, or parts stand out that you never noticed before.
I’ve been replaying various posts of mine and trying to find patterns. I’ve shared personal stories from various chapters of my life, including my journey with addiction and recovery. I’ve veered into fiction every once in a while. I tie in concepts from yoga and spirituality a lot. Other times it was an event that happened that same week, which sparked a series of thoughts I’d want to string together via writing. Substack has been like a sandbox where I can toss in my ideas and play.
My short description still says that: Seeing Upside Down observes life through the lenses of inversions, paradoxes, and metaphors.
Overall, I have stayed fairly consistent with that, though it still leaves much room for varying types of posts.
Does it feel like I’m stalling?
Because I am.
I actually just stood up and walked over to the part of my office I keep clear on purpose. It is my place for yoga postures. It is my place to get upside down. I often do that before or during a writing session. Many ideas have come to me that way.
So, I just got into a table top position there on the floor. Hips over knees on the carpet, shoulders over wrists and palms pressed into the carpet. I transitioned from palms to forearms pressing into the floor. I brought my hands together with the forearms down and interlaced my fingers. I pulled my chin to my chest, dropping the crown of my head, and lifted my hips up toward the ceiling after tucking my toes and walking them toward my face. I raised one foot off the floor and then the other, until both feet were directly stacked over my hips, which were stacked on top of my shoulders, which were stacked over my forearms.
One thing, which is everything.
That’s the thought I had while upside down.
Honestly, sometimes these upside down thoughts can be infuriating.
One thing, which is everything.
I suppose one thing can be everything.
We each have a piece of everything in us.
Everything has a piece of us in it. This is why we are all attracted to each other… or averse to each other.
Why do we love movies, songs, books, paintings, nature?
They tell a story.
Whether we’ll admit it or not, we always relate a story to ourselves. We filter it through our perception, which is shaped by our personal experiences. Our life searches for a connection point to what we’re seeing, hearing, or feeling. Sometimes, the connection point is just not there… and that can also be when we’re surprised, shocked, afraid, amazed, or curious. It’s not familiar. It’s unlike anything we’ve seen before.
If I started to focus my Substack around addiction and recovery, that would cast a wide net of connection points because every human being struggles. I am only writing here today because of the hellscape I have hiked. Writing about life before, during, and after the hike is a valid endeavor. Most of the time, a reader’s details will be different, but the themes of finding community and getting through really difficult times translate across contexts.
And yet, I don’t know if I necessarily want to cast a net as much as I’d like to dive into the water with you. I know there are many nets trying to capture your attention these days. I don’t need to be another one. I think a better way to direct my energy will be to share the ways I’ve learned how to “swim” in, through, and around these nets we can easily get caught in.
There goes my metaphor mind. It’s helping me make a decision here.
Yes. I am making a decision as I type.
My decision for Seeing Upside Down is to be an advice column going forward. The word advice gets a bad wrap because most people don’t appreciate unsolicited advice. If I attempt to give any advice, it will only be if it’s 1.) requested and 2.) based on my own personal experience. So, maybe we don’t call it an advice column? Haha
Q&A?
Call and response?
Dear Jeannie Lynn?
All of the above.
This is is my one thing that can be everything because any of you could ask about anything- literally anything.
Ask the people who know me best- I’m weird. I’ve had a LOT of worldly… and otherworldly experiences. I am utterly imperfect. I am a human. I have also discovered my perfect spirit. It’s so much nicer walking around in this skin when I know my spirit. My spirit accepts my darkness and my light, and that feels like a superpower everyone should know they have within. I’ve been to the bottom of the pile and the top of the pile, which was only a portal back down to the bottom of the pile… until I finally found the middle.
I want to be in the middle with you. In the middle of the hot mess, the struggle, the big questions, the small questions that persist, the exploration, the quest, the revelations.
So, this is, in one way, a goodbye. It is the last day a Seeing Upside Down post is created by me alone, the way it’s been since October 2022.
In another way, this is hello.
It’s the first day you all are invited to submit questions to Seeing Upside Down. I have created a specific email for this: sudwinks@gmail.com. Even if family or friends respond, everything will remain anonymous. If you’ve been reading for a while, you are at least somewhat familiar with the types of experiences I’ve lived. I will leave an index of potential topics below, but it’s not an exhaustive list. If you know someone else who might benefit from this in any way, have them submit a question, or ask it on their behalf, if they want to ensure their privacy.
Because I have to dive into the worst case scenario here to properly scan the plan:
You all hate this and think I’m pretentious to start a Q&A column, and you don’t need my help, and nobody submits any questions, and my decision was the “wrong” decision.
Ah yes, the quotation marks around the word to reveal it is false. Duke, along with my friend
are two people who have consistently reminded me you can’t go wrong when following love, rather than fear.This is very much a decision out of love. Love for myself and what I know I have to give. And love for you as a living being who has come into my orbit.
It is not wrong or right because those are subjective.
It is my decision.
And if you don’t submit any questions?
Well, then I guess that means I’m taking a sabbatical.
Either way, we should cheers.
It’s New Year’s Eve!
Thank you for being here on my first day.
Thank you for being here on my last day.
Happy New Year.
With love and a wink,
Jeannie
Omg I love that list!! I will write a question when one comes to me and I’m like, “I know who would have a perfect way of thinking about this problem right now!” I also love this: “a series of chambers within me getting unlocked the more that I write…” What a beautiful metaphor. Also the phrase “perfect spirit.” I think what I like about your Substack is the notes of you ringing so clearly in it. Your vulnerability, your gentleness, your striving, your hopes, your human walk. You will make it beautiful no matter where it goes! 💕🦢🏄🏽♂️🪴Dr. Jeannie is in. *pipe emoji*
Congratulations on being vulnerable and seeking that which you are drawn to. I find that the posts that receive the most attention/feedback are the ones I have to take a breath before pressing send. That flutter in my tummy means I am reaching deep and often enables my readers to do the same. I will be excited to follow your journey. And remember, Substack is all about creating, one step forward, two steps back, three steps forward. I wrote recently about the word Pentimento, A visible trace of an earlier painting beneath a layer or layers of paint on a canvas. We paint with our words, and our canvas develops as we learn and grow. Bravo Jeannie! 💜